Conspiracy

THIS IS HAPPENING RIGHT
HERE IN OUR OWN COUNTRY!

We Must Stop This Immediately! Have you noticed that
stairs are getting steeper?
Groceries are heavier.
And, everything is farther away.
Yesterday I walked to the
corner and I was dumbfounded to discover how long our street had become!

And, you know, people
are less considerate now,
especially the young ones.
They speak in whispers all
the time! If you ask them
to speak up they just keep
repeating themselves,
endlessly mouthing the same
silent message until they're
red in the face! What do they think I am, a lip reader?

I also think they are much
younger than I was at the
same age. On the other hand,
people my own age are so
much older than I am. I ran
into an old friend the other day
and she has aged so much that she didn't even recognize me.

I got to thinking about the poor
dear while I was combing my
hair this morning, and in doing so,
I glanced at my own reflection.
Well, REALLY NOW -even mirrors are not made the way they used to be!

Another thing, everyone
drives so fast these days!
You're risking life and limb
if you happen to pull onto the
freeway in front of them.
All I can say is, their brakes
must wear out awfully fast,
the way I see them screech and swerve in my rear view mirror.

Clothing manufacturers are
less civilized these days.
Why else would they suddenly
start labeling a size 10 or 12 dress
as 18 or 20? Do they think
no one notices? The people who
make bathroom scales are
pulling the same prank. Do they
think I actually "believe"
the number I see on that dial? HA!
I would never let myself weigh
that much! Just who do these people think they're fooling?

I'd like to call up someone in
authority to report what's going
on -- but the telephone company
is in on the conspiracy too:
they've printed the phone books
in such small type that no one
could ever find a number in there!
All I can do is pass along this warning:

WE ARE UNDER ATTACK!

Unless something drastic happens,
pretty soon everyone will have to suffer these awful indignities.

PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO EVERYONE
YOU KNOW AS SOON AS POSSIBLE
SO WE CAN GET THIS CONSPIRACY STOPPED!

PS: I am sending this to you in a
larger font size, because something
has happened to my computer's fonts -
they are smaller than they once were.